


Hated, Beloved

by ChokolatteJedi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Advent Calendar, Advent Challenge 2012, Character Death, Community: hc_bingo, Deathfic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magic, Magical Trouble, Memories, Ostracised from Society, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-09
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 20:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/589213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/pseuds/ChokolatteJedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry visits the graveyard</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hated, Beloved

**Author's Note:**

> Written for FFW, with the prompt, "Apologize," and for hc_bingo, with the prompts "Magical Trouble" and "Ostracised from Society," and for my advent calendar day nine: "something angsty."

Harry stared down at the snow-covered headstone. The entire graveyard was thick with the white powder - not even animal tracks disturbed the area between the gate and the stone he sought.

Harry brushed the snow away gently - the granite was so cold it burnt his fingers lightly where he lingered. Harry had wanted it in something nicer - there was a lovely looking black marble, but the wizarding stone carver had refused to sell him it once he heard the name it was for. Harry was forced to seek a Muggle carver, and that had limited his selection.

The wind ruffled his hair, sweeping it against his smooth forehead. Stirred by the cold, Harry brushed his hand against the stone again, fully revealing the name.

Tom Marvolo Riddle  
Hated, Beloved

Harry didn't know there were tears running down his cheeks until one dripped onto his outstretched hand. As if his knowledge of his emotions released them, Harry began to sob - heaving great shudders tearing out of his gaunt frame. Harry slid to his knees as the tears poured out of him. He wailed his misery to the grey sky - misery he could never share with another.

Finally the screams and sobs combined into one phrase, choked out into the bitter wind. "I'm sorry, Love, I'm sorry." Harry repeated over and over, hoping that somehow his lover could hear: could forgive him.

As Harry sagged against the headstone, drained, the memories of their final battle slipped through his tenuous barriers.

oO|Oo

Harry waited until his Uncle was at work and his Aunt safely out shopping before clutching his necklace and hissing _"home."_ Immediately the portkey whisked him away and he appeared in the master bedroom of Slytherin Manor. A moment later Tom entered the room, having been alerted by the wards to the arrival of his lover.

They embraced, the Dark Lord kissing his young foe passionately. Harry knew what the others would say - Snape said it on an almost daily basis: this was another of the Dark Lord's tricks. He was simply trying to weaken the light by disposing of Harry.

But they hadn't spent years sharing his thoughts and emotions the way Harry had. They had no way of knowing - and Harry _knew_ \- how much Tom loved him. Yes, he was a crazed killer, but he _loved_ Harry. He was even genuinely sorry for killing Harry's parents.

Harry didn't need words to prove it - he could _feel_ it just as he felt every other thought and emotion that Tom had. And Harry wasn't as silly or naive as Snape and the rest of the Order seemed to think.

Tom and Harry both knew the full wording of the prophesy now. They both knew what had to happen. Someday Harry would kill Tom when the Order and the war forced him into it. It was a choice that they had never discussed, but something both simply knew. But until that moment, Harry would take all of Tom's love he could get.

oO|Oo

It was supposed to be a full-scale attack on Diagon Alley, at a time when it would be nearly deserted. Almost no one went out on Boxing Day, so it should have been easy to take over the Wizarding street.

But Snape had finally broken free of Tom's mindweb, and the full might of the Order and the Ministry had been waiting. Harry had been summoned from school by a panicked Tonks and portkeyed to the Alley before he even knew what was happening.

It was the time, and looking in his eyes, Harry knew that Tom knew it as well. Tom might have been able to flee, and live another day, but Dumbledore and Snape were battling him when Harry arrived, teaming up to block his escape. Red met Green across the battlefield and Harry _knew_

Tears in his eyes, Harry whispered the words the entire wizarding world so longed to hear. _"Avada Kedavra"_

Lime green light shot from his hand, and Tom made no move to defend himself. The curse struck true, and a brilliant light surrounded both wizards. A tenuous beam connected them as both men screamed and arched painfully. 

Every eye in Diagon Alley was watching the spectacle as light and dark wizard rose a few feet into the air, writing in the pulsing light. Their screams were almost as high enough as to be beyond human hearing as the magic coursed around them. 

Finally, with a crack, the light vanished and two bodies fell to the cobblestones with simultaneous thuds.

oO|Oo

When Harry woke, it was to an unending ache in his heart, and the cheers of the world. The adulation just made the pain worse, and Harry desperately tried to escape it, to mourn his love in peace. No one had known, except Snape, and the man had been killed in the battle. Even if he hadn't, Harry doubted that the traitor would understand, let alone share his grief.

It wasn't until winter hols were over and Harry returned to classes that he noticed the second effect of that day. When he tried to perform a simple shield spell in D A D A, nothing happened, and he was hit by Ron's mild slashing curse. The redhead immediately began to apologize, profusely, but Harry waved him off. Claiming exhaustion from the battle - no one had yet figured out what had caused the magical surge - Harry tried to heal himself and continue. Once again, nothing. 

Healers flocked to Hogwarts, eager to diagnose the boy who lived and lost his magic. However, it was Hermione, of course, who found the answer. Hermione who had stared at him in shock, horror, and pity as she explained. Hermione who he forced to swear a blood oath that she would never tell. 

Harry had done the unimaginable - he had killed his own soul mate. And for that, the laws of the magical universe had a clear punishment. The curse that took his lover's life had taken his magic with it, as retribution for his crime.

oO|Oo

Even without Hermione's research, it wasn't long before the wizarding world found out the truth of what had happened in Diagon Alley that day.

Harry quickly found that life as a muggle was preferable to their confusion and hatred. The Wizarding world simply couldn't understand how Harry could have loved Tom, and they wanted him as far away as possible. He barely felt the loss of his society or his magic through his grief over losing Tom. Honestly, a magic life was meaningless without his lover by his side anyway.

oO|Oo

The cold wind began to pick up, swirling the loose snow and freezing the tears on Harry's cheeks. Stirred from his memories, Harry looked around. The graveyard was still, and empty, but the grey skies had darkened. The wind rattled the dead branches above; breaking the eerie silence that had fallen.

Scrubbing at his cheeks, feeling the tingle of warmth returning, Harry looked back at the headstone. He wished he could have gotten a better one, but without his own magic he was at the whims of the world. He gently traced the numbers for date of death. 

_One year ago to the day._

One year ago to the day Tom had lead his troops into what was supposed to be an easy battle. One year ago to the day Harry had lost his magic. Because one year ago to the day Harry had killed his soul mate. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered again into the still afternoon. 

For one brief second he thought he heard an answer on the bitter wind. "I forgive you." 


End file.
